In which we see further thought and development
With Dinah safely settled upstairs at Park End Road, Helen goes down and takes the old tomes from the bookshelf. She then loses herself in them for two hours. She is not certain whether she is lured by the content or the feel and look of antiquity (which promises to soothe her into steadiness). But as she reads further into Pilgrim’s story, she begins to understand that his freedom lay in having the power to make a choice. Of course, his actual choices mattered greatly, it being an allegory. After all, his eternal wellbeing rested on them. But Helen sees that, for her too, having a choice is what makes her free. She can now stay with Malcolm or she can start again on her own. She has viewed life from another side, has discovered painfully who she is and what she is capable of – both positively and negatively – and is now free.
She closes the large volume carefully, returning it to its place on the shelves, and makes herself a blackcurrant tea.
Pensively gazing into its liquid depths, she considers her situation. The mess at Holy Wind is not her problem, though she may have to appear at an inquest. As far as she can see – and she is beginning to see with clear sight a long way backwards and to project her vision some way forwards – losing control has had a more damaging impact than staying in control and running no risks. In fact, she never wants to lose control again. She has contributed to Addison’s collapse though she is not going to accept total responsibility. But he was deserving of her gratitude on several counts and she is mortified at her part. She will visit him tomorrow and try to make amends, before turning to her own path through life.
***
In the early hours of Saturday morning, Helen wearily pushes aside her hair and sits back on her haunches to survey the two stained bentwood chairs she has restored. Four hours work on them has numbed her to the point of exhaustion. But the glow of their newly varnished curves is nothing to the sense of expectancy inside her as she gradually formulates her future.
Next to her is the letter from Great Aunt Rebecca. As soon as morning comes she will ring the number at the top: she and Carla have agreed that there will be nowhere nearly so suited to restoring Addison to health than the windy agricultural Manx landscape. Rebecca’s uncanny perception of people’s needs will work with Addison’s beliefs rather than against them.
continue reading for the last time!
I’m relieved the baby survived and they will no longer have to look over their shoulders for Steve. As for Addison, I wonder how he will take this Aunt Rebecca idea….
Thanks for your virtual company and the loyalty shown in your regular comments. I shall miss you. Consider Ride dedicated to you! Have just uploaded the last instalment. And to others who have dropped by but not commented, thank you!